Amina Lone gets knocked out by Amir Khan.

Not content with blatant racist leafleting, NeoLabour candidate Amina Lone has now stooped to a new in her shit campaign for Whiny Range. Deciding against actually having any credibility or morals, the supposed race equality official tried to blag Amir Khan's face in he leaflets - only to get rumbled by the great man himself. Now I'm not against celebrity endorsements, but surely AmoanaLone's policies would be better served by a more appropriate person - maybe David Icke.

Introducing: Insincere Dave.

Darling announces new compensation package for scroungers.

Party animal Alistair Darling has announced that he is going to compensate everyone who lost out in Gordon Brown's 2007 spectacular. He is quoted as saying, "It's time that we woke up to the needs of the British people. It is clear that eyebrow dye is vital to keeping the spine of the country intact. Therefore, backdated to April 2007, every man woman and child will be able to get a free bottle every month." Backbenchers are said to be delighted, as am I.

Fuzzy Butty defects to Labour, challenges Sir Lease for leadership.

Things took a change to the strange this evening when it appeared that fake Tory windbag Fuzzy Butty had decided to defect to the Labour Party. He was allegedly crying to his mother through his mobile - "Whalley Range is lost, I found a tory tree sign in a bin - and Fraud Hussein is too busy down the local O2 shop mis-selling to minors. My intention is to defect to the Labour Party and challenge Sir Richard Branson for the leadership of the council. I feel my personality will win out in the end - then I can finally put the mascara away and stop acting like a sissy."

Hazel Blears Chin Appeal Update:

Last week I told you about the "HAZEL BLEARS CHIN PETITION", demanding that Hazel Blears be given NHS treatment to give her a chin. Well a chin transplant has been found and the Salford yes woman is now awaiting surgery. Here is an artists impression of the new appendage:

An Apology:

Hello blogsters! I feel as though I must apologise (or "climb down!") for not posting for a while. I had to take one of my many dogs to the vets for worms, but ended up taking a u-turn down a one way street... and got promptly arrested! Woops! Well, they released me on bail, but I must return to be put to death on May 2nd. Ah well.

LP's Weekly Guest Blog

Hello Manchester! Mr.Paul has kindly granted me a small section on this blog to air out my views on politics and hairdressing.

First, a little bit about me. My nickname is LP to my pals, it's short for LABOUR PARTY (har har har!!!) but also because I tend to go round in circles and repeat the same things over and over again (like an LP!!! har har!!!).

Over the next few weeks I will be setting out some priorities of mine and explaining them to you all.

THIS WEEK:
After receiving bad directions from an anonymous tipster, LP uses a map provided by Keith Bradley detailing precisely where her new constituency is.

LP's gloves are on, but will soon be coming off!!!

LP's cut of the week: "This week I am mostly listening to 'Livin on my own' by Freddy Mercury."


Tah Tah for now chux!